remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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