He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
