I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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