since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
