if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
