Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
