paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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