No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
