i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
