Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
