Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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