btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
