If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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