that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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