You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
