Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
