NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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