Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
