A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
