The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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