My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
