I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
