i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I forget how to act sober
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
