I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
