he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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