Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
