tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
