ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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