I want you more than these girls want KFC
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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