I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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