Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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