It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
