please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
