i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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