I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
