after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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