AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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