you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
