No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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