....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
