Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
