She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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