I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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