So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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