I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
