So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
