Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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