I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
