My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
