therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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