Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
