Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
