coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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