I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
