i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
