is your mom at the bar?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't deserve a penis
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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