I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
