You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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