If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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