lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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