He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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