We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
