so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
