a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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