the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
