My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My ass is underappreciated
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
