The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my poor anus
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
