woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
