So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
