come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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