Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
