please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
