His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
