Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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