shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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