george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
