Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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