I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
