in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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